Friday, July 1, 2011

Michele Bachmann: The Complete Package. Wait - What?

"Michele Bachmann's a complete package. She's got charisma, she's got an authentic faith testimony, she's a proven fighter for conservative values, and she's well known."
                                                                                                                                            - Ralph Reed

  1. Completely clueless. You know, John Wayne, John Wayne Gacey. Easy mistake. Lexington and Concord. New Hampshire. Yeah, sounds right. Except of course they're in Massachusetts.
  2. Charisma. Hmm. There's too distinct senses of the word. Personality charisma is defined as "filled with attractiveness or charm." Then there's divinely conferred charisma, defined as a divinely conferred power or talent. Guess which one Ralph had in mind?
  3. Authentic faith testimony. "Church, meet State. State, meet Church." Saying a person is qualified to be president because of her "authentic faith testimony" is like saying Derek Jeter is qualified to be a marine biologist because he's a baseball player.
  4. Proven fighter for conservative values. Okay, he's right there. Those good old conservative values: cutting off funding for Planned Parenthood, because 3% of their services are abortions; eliminating the minimum wage because, well, she's stupid; wanting poor, uneducated people to support her, because she's a Republican (they don't keep track of the help they're not getting).
  5. Well-known. That's a qualification for being president? Steven Tyler and Michael Vick are trending right now on Yahoo!

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