Friday, November 4, 2011

Cain A Clown Of Another Circus

"Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City,  'sailor wanna hump-hump' bar, or is it getaway day and your last shot at his whiskey? Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here."

 Jack Nicholson as Melvin Udall in James L. Brooks's "As Good As It Gets"

Let me make one thing extremely clear: Herman Cain has no business running for president. As David Brooks said on NPR this afternoon, the office of the presidency of the United States is a serious job that needs a serious person doing it. The ex-pizza dude and newly self-declared Koch brother Cain is merely filling a void. If he wasn't there to say stupid shit, Sister Sarah would be. It even takes some of the spotlight away from Governor Good Hair's uh, something-induced comments earlier in the week.
For the uninitiated, the Koch Brothers are, in a word, ruining the entire American political process. Charles and David Koch are each worth about $25 billion; if they were just one person, that person would be the third wealthiest in the world. Koch Industries is the second largest privately-held company in the US, into oil refining, chemical, paper products and financial services company with revenues of a $100 billion a year. They spent $40 million yanking the House back so it could do absofreakin'lutely nothing. And, they've pledged to raise $200 million to defeat President Obama next year.
Now, these are the people Cain was referring to today when he said, ""Just so I can clarify this for the media, this may be a breaking news announcement for the media: I am the Koch brothers' brother from another mother. Yes. I'm their brother from another mother! And proud of it!" How incredibly stupid, to stand up in front of God and everybody, as they say in Indiana, and admit to a tie bordering on the familial. The Koch Brothers are kind of a reverse Tom Joad. Where Steinbeck's Dirt Bowl refugee said, "I'll be all around in the dark - I'll be everywhere. Wherever you can look - wherever there's a fight, so hungry people can eat, I'll be there. Wherever there's a cop beatin' up a guy, I'll be there." With Chuck & Davey, it's their money that's everywhere. It's their money, and the influence it buys, that causes "a fight, so hungry people can eat," aka Occupy Wall Street, Oakland, etc. And it's their money that leads to a cop - or a rent-a-cop in some cases - beatin' up a guy," or opting for pepper spray.
Ha-Ha Herman's remarks were made in front of a fawning Americans For Prosperity gathering. That group was founded by the Koch Brothers, as was the conservative "think tank" the Cato Institute. 

To pledge fealty to the Koch Brothers, who make the James Brothers look like nice people, should be enough alone to sink this "candidacy." If not, he's spit out a bunch of goofy shit the last few weeks. Such as:
  • Telling Piers Morgan, in re: homosexuality, "although people don't agree with me, I happen to think that it is a choice."
  • Telling Fox "News" on the morning of October 31, in re: his evident pattern of sexually harrassing women, "If there was a settlement, it was handled by some of the other officers at the restaurant association." Then, that evening he told PBS, he was aware that a settlement had been reached. By the next morning, he told HLN, "after 12 hours during the day, many events, many interviews, I was gradually able to recall more and more details about what happened."
  • On the PBS Newshour, he told Judy Woodruff, he suspected China was “trying to develop nuclear capability,” despite having nuclear weapons since 1964.
  • On November 1, he told Billo the Clown that putting more missiles near Iran would be a certain invitation for the nation to attack us. Cain appeared unfazed: “that’s alright.”
  • Although it is officially illegal here in Backwardshoma, Cain said "here’s this creeping attempt … to gradually ease Sharia Law and the Muslim faith into our government.”
  • Oh, and he's also said what he'll do when he's president. Man, that's so funny. Forget that other stuff. 
Best-case scenario: Willard wraps up the nomination and Ha-Ha Herman delivers a Pat Buchanon-esque scorched earth speech at Tampa next summer.

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